My emotions have been all over the place since I heard about the bombings in Afghanistan. I have shed many tears. Truly what is breaking the Lord's heart is breaking mine, too.
My mom is ill again. There was some "chaos" with her yesterday, so I took dinner to my parents and we began talking about all the world events that are going on. I told mama and daddy that I am just ready for the Lord to come back. Truly there is groaning in my spirit for a better place. A place where there is no evil, no viruses, no bombings, no hurricanes, and certainly no thoughts of your daughter being a senior in like 365 days! This world is not my home. And then I feel guilty for wanting the Lord to come back because I know that there are still people in this world who have never heard his name.
I just feel this sense of darkness that I've never felt before. I saw the "evilness" (if that's even a word) and hatred last summer through all the rioting and election process, but this is something more sinister. It's like watching the dark overcome the light. It's like a moving reel of the day where the night swiftly takes over the day. Where a fog of doom and darkness begins to roll ever so silently into creation. I do believe this may be called 'spiritual warfare.' The jubilation we felt as a nation after the days of 9/11 have been replaced with sorrow and grief.
I cried this morning and for just a few hours, I lost hope. And losing hope is not a good mental place to be in. I also ate a bag of M&Ms. Because sometimes, M&Ms and tears just go together. I hope there is chocolate in Heaven. As my tears fell, I felt God say to me, "Worship me," so I turned on Pandora to one of my favorite worship stations. I read scripture. And my soul was strengthened. I'm still sad, but my focus isn't where it was. There was a time when I didn't understand how worship could help in my time of sorrow, but it does, because it takes my focus off my feelings, off my circumstances, and puts them on the one person who is truly in control.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Take heart, friends. Take heart.
Oh, Laura, I feel your pain. I’m ready for Jesus too. All this hard going on makes me wonder just how close we are to having that happen. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWell of course I had to read this because of the title and you know how I feel about chocolate (and yes, I hope there is chocolate in heaven with no calories😉)
ReplyDeleteBut reading on gave me chills. I love you for your precious heart and sweet, sweet spirit and I can totally understand where you are coming from. You know I don't watch ANY news, but I have been asking Kent what's going on...anything new since yesterday. Things are such a mess and we really do need to pray for our country. Love you so much sweet friend!!! XOXO (and hope everything is okay with your mom)
Laura,this is such a beautiful post and you are not in alone in your thoughts. It is such a dark and sad time in our world but HE has overcome and will see us through in spite of how we feel. PTL! It's so hard to keep our eyes on "the prize" when all around us is such sadness, but we must. May the days ahead bring you renewed faith and joy. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThis resonated with me so much. My heart is so heavy lately, and it really does seem like the world is dark. I don't know if I'm paying more attention to the news as I get older or it really is more evil as time goes by. Hang in there, friend. God has us in his hands.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I feel all of this 100%. I have been reading Psalm 91 everyday, so very comforting. Thank you for posting this!
ReplyDeleteThis was so well said, and I think how many of us are feeling. As believers, even when we lose hope we are not without hope, and for that I'm grateful. Have a good week.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%. We are living through very dark days, and it's hard to not feel hopeless. But I disagree on feeling guilty wanting Jesus to return. We are called to watch for Him and pray for His return. There is even a special crown for those who eagerly wait for His return. When Jesus comes back, He will make the world right again. All the pain and suffering will end, not begin. There will be no more wars, disease, crime, corruption, kidnapping, etc. Yes, there will be the seven year tribulation, but everyone will have every opportunity to repent and turn to Jesus at that time. Many people will get saved. Jesus himself told us to pray "Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven". If your heart is yearning for Jesus to return, then it means your heart is right is God. As children of God, we should long to be with the father and not of this world. And to Carol's comment above, I read Psalm 91 daily and claim it for my household and my children's household. I also love Psalm 64. And worship is so key! I feel so much better when I turn on worship music and just sing my heart out.
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