Monday, November 12, 2018

Dear Alise

Dear Alise,

Today, this post is for you. It's a combination of all our conversations in recent months and just a small glimpse into the life of a teen age girl and her mom that loves her very much. 

Boys Are Mean || Sometimes, when boys really like you, they treat you badly and say mean things. I don't know why exactly, they just do. Boys have potty mouths and it galls your daddy's soul that this particular boy speaks so mean and ugly to you. Your daddy wants to fight your battle for you, but I keep holding him back, simply because I think it would make the situation worse. You've got to decide what you will and will not tolerate in your life, and until you put your foot down and do something about it, he will continue to talk to you this way. You are so much better than this, Alise! I can't help but think what goes on in his own home for him to act and say the things that he does. And just for the record, you will never go out with this boy, either. 

Girls Are Mean || Girls are mean. Period. Oh, the drama of middle school. The flip-flop, back and forth of girls' friendship. To be honest, I'm sick of it. I'm tired of the shit stirrers and all the jealousy. Someone needs to teach y'all what true friendship is! But, you know, you're not perfect, either, and to have a friend, you have to beeeeee a friend. You're not the only one that gets PMS. You're not the only one that gets talked about behind your back. You're not the only one that gets left out of things. And to be honest, you have a tendency to exaggerate. But I know your heart and I know that sometimes those things hurt, and as your mom, just know that I've been there and that I am praying daily for your friendships. And your friends. You all need it.

Your Friends Will Do Things They Shouldn't Do || The hardest lesson you've had to learn this year is that you are not responsible for the decisions that someone else makes. I know how hurt and upset you were when you found out that some of your friends were doing things that they shouldn't be doing. "Serious things" that you and I have dubbed, "bad choices." But, oh, how I loved your heart when you tried to get your closest friends to do the right thing. But you are only responsible for your choices and not theirs. In your life, you are always going to have to find ways to get along with difficult people and those that don't share your same beliefs and morals. I can only hope that your daddy and I have raised you right and that somehow, some way, you will be better because of it.

PMS Is Real || Remember all those times you laughed at Stephanie? Payback is hell, right, Baby Girl? I know you're like me and you hate to take medicine, but if you will just dope up on Pamprin and get some rest, you would feel so much better. And I know you hate those white basketball shorts, but I can't help that your school colors are blue and white and you have a male coach! I know, I get it, I totally understand. It sucks, but there is nothing I can do about it. This is life. Always be prepared. And by the Grace of God, we will get through the next forty years and not kill each other. 

You're A Pretty Great Kid || I tell you all the time how very proud I am of you and I mean that. I feel so blessed to have such a pretty awesome kid who loves Jesus and for the most part, puts others before herself. Someone once said that you can't teach empathy. I beg to differ. You do not hesitate to think about others feelings and only want the best for your friends. I'm sorry when the feeling isn't mutual. You are learning some pretty hard lessons these days and I wish I could tell you that it gets easier. Unfortunately, I can't. The good news is that God is on your side and therefore, your future is promised.

Love,
Mom
Laura
Laura

Hi there, I'm Laura, I'm the happiest wife, the loudest cheer mom, and the craziest girlfriend you'all ever have, I'm a Southern Belle living in a Southern world!

22 comments:

  1. I know tears were shed as you wrote this to your sweet baby!! Helps to write it I think and reflect, these years and tough but joyous moments arise and this is the time to teach life lessons mama and you are so good at it! LOVE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life lesson indeed, my sweet friend!

      Delete
  2. Oh Laura, what a beautiful and priceless letter to your sweet Alise! Oh how I wish someone would have said these things to me, not that I would have necessarily listened as a teenager but it would be nice to know how much someone cares and to go back and read it again and again. Alise is blessed to have you as her momma! God bless you both and your very special relationship!
    xo,
    Kellyann
    www.thisblondesshoppingbag.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Kellyann!

      Delete
  3. Sweetest and most real letter ever written. With two girls myself this touches on it all. Thank you for sharing this and that girl of yours is the luckiest ever. You are both blessed to have such a great girl !

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hang in there! It's tough being a girl mom, but it sounds like she is talking to you and that's what you want. A couple weeks ago my 25 year old called at midnight with boy issues and we talked for 2 hours. Just be there. And pray😀

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This made me smile, Vicki! Thank you so much!

      Delete
  5. As soon as I saw the title of this, I knew I was going to get choked up. It's so hard to get that advice through a teenagers head - but you just keep reinforcing it & telling her all the wise things she needs to hear - & WILL hear some day.
    Our youth girls just went on a weekend retreat & the topic was Friendship - solely because a lot of our girls are fighting. The main point of the weekend was about when you hate someone else, talk about them, make fun of them - you're doing a part of that to Jesus because Jesus is in that person. It opened up eyes some. Girls & the friendship drama. Such a big thing.
    White gym shorts? That had to be a man who created that one.... why not make the SHIRT white & the bottom blue? GEEZ... someone needs to address that.
    Keep loving your girl momma... keep directing her the way she needs to go... & I LOVE the advice that she needs to learn what to tolerate & not & stand up for such things NOW. The stronger WOMAN she will be one day!
    Hugs to you & your girl!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to share your comment about when you treat your friends badly, you're also treating Jesus the same. Love that! Thank you, Friend, and you keep pressing on with your girls, too. You are AWESOME!!

      Delete
  6. What an absolutely precious (and genius) post!!! All girls need a mama like you in their corner and it's so sad that they don't all have that. Being a teen girl is hard and being a teen girl mom may be even harder. You are doing great. The &*%$ stirrers are always going to be out there (aren't we seeing that even today with our sweet friend?). We have to be bigger and know when to just turn away. Love you and your heart for your daughter. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Lisa! We're both blessed with awesome girls!

      Delete
  7. Oh, my, our hearts will always and forever hurt for our kiddos, no matter what their age. Hang in there, it will be okay, just tough at times. Hugs to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lea! We need to get together during the holidays and do lunch maybe?

      Delete
  8. Oh, boy, middle school totally sucks. And middle school girl 'friends' are generally anything but friends. Not sure how my two daughters and I survived a total of 8 years of one or the other or both being in 6th, 7th, or 8th grade. I was told by our family counselor that 7th grade is the hardest year of all. And I certainly saw that with my oldest daughter.
    The loving relationship you have with Alise and with God will get you both through these tough, tough times. Keep talking to each other and keep sending up prayers and this, too, shall pass.
    Thinking of you both!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement, Leslie!

      Delete
  9. I love this! Those junior high and high school lessons can be so tough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Tanya! You're right there with me! Times 2!!

      Delete
  10. I have a son that is 12 and I can already tell that it's going to be WAY easier to raise him in his teen years than it will be when my daughter is that age. Yes, girls can be mean to each other and I seriously think it continues into adulthood (sadly). I think this is all great advice and I can tell you care sooo much about her. And, ugh, I am really nervous about these years with my little girl!

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm entering mamahood to a teen in a couple years. Already, our feet have gotten wet in the drama. Before having kids I was a "mama" to over four hundred teenagers who graced my classroom over the course of seven years. I told them this each and every year: Growing up is one of the hardest gigs you will ever have. I had them make goals - goal one: education (how far are you going with this and where do you hope it leads you when you're thirty); goal two: relationships (what is your goal with human beings do you hope to make peace with anyone? Do you hope to build a stronger bridge with someone?); goal three humanity (what will you do to make a difference.) I saved their responses and any time they came to me with an struggle (I was the cool teacher for a while) I would pull out their sheet and we would locate the goal that correlated with the "drama" or the issue that had popped up. It was amazing how that exercise always helped them calm down and see the forest instead of the tree. Being a mama isn't easy but being a teenager sucks too. So glad that girl has you. Sorry I got on my soap box of the past life LOL! xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. I adore this post. You are wonderful mama. Keep coaching with good words and love. She's growing up to be wonderful just like you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a fantastic post! My parenting experience has been a little different, having only boys. My niece is in 9th grade this year, and I'm shocked at how mean some of the other kids are! You're a great mama!

    ReplyDelete