Tuesday, March 01, 2016

I Just Don't Know

College basketball is winding down for my big girls and they are in a funk. Their chances of going to the tournament series have been dashed and now they're contemplating life and getting all philosophical on me.

One has decided that she hates her major and is disappointed that she couldn't do an internship in my department at the Mother Ship because of a bunch of red tape {she can intern in another patient area}. I can't understand why she would want to do a practicum this summer in Finance, but whatevah.  I tried.  I failed.  I couldn't get it pushed through to the higher powers. She's unhappy because she honestly doesn't know what to major in or do with her life and how am I suppose to answer that?! It breaks my heart to see her struggle with this big question.  I texted her back and said, "You need to do some heavy praying and talk to your advisor to help you figure this out." I wish I had the answer she's looking for, but I don't, and I feel bad about it. I worry about the relationship she is in and her happiness. She's a beautiful girl and has a good head on her shoulders.

My other girl? Lord, help me. Seriously. She texted me on Sunday while we were in church and wanted to know what our plans were for the day. We picked her up, went to lunch, ran a few errands and she decided to spend the rest of the afternoon with us at home. While Wayne and Alise were outside, my girl and I watched the Lifetime channel, ate chocolate, and talked. Do you know how long it's been since I've watched the Lifetime channel?! This one is too hard on herself when it comes to her love for BB. She has grown up in an entirely different atmosphere, yet we are alike in so many ways.  We like the same things. She was ecstatic over a bottle of fingernail polish that I gave her and insisted on painting her toes right then! When I was getting ready to go out that night with friends, she asked if I had any food that she could take back to the dorm with her.  I loaded her up with leftovers from the fridge and you would have thought I gave her the moon. She is simple and girly - although by looking at her, you wouldn't think so.  She has no mother in her life.

And I keep asking God, WHY? Why are these girls in our life?  Why did we go to that first basketball game back in November? Why did Wayne ask them to come talk to our girls basketball team a few weeks later? Why have we attended every. single. women's BB game since {they ask and expect us to be there}? Why did I just hit it off with them and why do they continue to come to us for friendship and advice?  Why do they confide in me and why do I worry when I haven't heard from them in a few days? Why do I drop what I'm doing when they need me and go? Why do I feel like I honestly have two girls in college and one in elementary?

I simply don't. know.

I don't know what I am suppose to do! Am I screwing up? Have we invested too much? Are we too attached?

I. just. don't. know.

12 comments:

  1. Well, Laura, I am quite sure that you and yours have had a most positive impact on these girls, and you should take pleasure in that. But, they are grown and they are going to have to spread their wings and fly, ready or not. Life can be tough and sometimes we just have to suck it up and figure it out. Encourage them but remember it's theirs to figure out. Happy week!

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    1. Thank you, Lea, for your words of wisdom.

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  2. I have to agree with Lea. You and Wayne have made a positive impact on their lives. You've become a safe place in the "storms" of life. But, storms will continue to come and they will need to learn to navigate the waters on their own. It is one thing to offer advice, another to "fix" it for them.
    Also, remember your first responsibility...Alise. Is your time with them taking away from her in ANY way? You may not think so, but she may think otherwise. I would have a heart to heart with her about the situation. Is it keeping you from family time with just the 3 of you. Also, if they were to not be there tomorrow...would Alise be hurt/disappointed? Is SHE getting too attached?
    Will be praying for you and the situation.

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    1. Thanks so much, Lauren. If the big girls are with us, then Wayne and Alise are always there, too. They seem to be happy and content; Alise has never been a jealous person and she seems to be fine when the big girls are over. She hangs on their every word.

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  3. The same reason I love you, along with so so many I'm sure! You're encouraging, you're a great mama, you're fun as can be and most importantly, I think you were somewhere at the right time and these girls simply needed you! Prayers for the balance and answers you need, you know you've done a very sweet things for these girls!!

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    1. Now fly little birdies fly....

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    2. Thanks, girl! I knew you would know my heart!

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  4. I can tell you why Laura, because God has sent them to you because they need you. I use to be "those girls." Sure, I had a mother, but with so much dysfunction in my family, my mother couldn't be there for me like I needed and so I was able to allow another woman to mother me when I needed it the most. When I look back on those years, I cringe at the fact my life could have turned out so differently had I not had the other woman for guidance and just someone to talk to and spend time with. The kind of things we want our own mother to be. So you know I'm going to tell you, embrace it. You are attached and there is nothing wrong with that. Read my post on "Just be there." It sums everything up you just expressed. And another thing, think of the role model you are being for Alise as she sees you being an encouraging woman to these young girls. It can be exhausting, but you are a diamond in the sand to them.

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    1. Thanks for making me cry, Michelle. It's so damn hard. All I want to do is the right thing. Of course my family always comes first, but these girls have become important to us, too.

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  5. The first thing I thought of when I read this post was exactly the same as Michelle's...they are in your life because God has put them there for a reason. With that being said, I also think it is important to find balance and make sure they are not taking any attention away from W and A. The fact that you are thinking about this so much means that you are aware of problems that might come out of it, and I think that is the most important thing. Hang in there!

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    1. Yes, Tanya, you are spot on. My family comes first and I don't want to overlook the blessings I have with them. It's just confusing sometimes and I only want to do the right thing.

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  6. Hey. I'm just now reading this bc I assumed Steph's story but wanted to be sure. I totally agree with all the comments. You & Wayne are awesome parents to Alise & you are a wonderful role model for these girls. God put you in their lives bc he saw their need. "There are no consequences only divine appointments." I admire you so much for opening up your life & sharing it with these girls, especially Steph. Love ya!

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