Monday, January 18, 2016

How To Be A Slacker In 7 Super Easy Steps

In case any of you have ideas about becoming a slacker in the near future, well, this post is for you! I hope it is all the inspiration you need to become the best slacker you've ever wanted to be.  Although, keep in mind, one day the party will be over and your eyes will be opened to REALITY. Until then, enjoy!

#lupus fatigue #lupus humor Success is sometimes even getting clothes into the washer!:
{one.} Do not have a very active and social ten year old daughter. No birthday party, sleep over, cheerleader try-out practice, basketball game or practice, dumb girl drama, or mom-I-have-a-hole-in-my-favorite-blue-jeans matters. This is the time you rely on your parents {even though it kills you to the bone because you're so independent!}, your husband, who is no longer quite as busy with the Christmas rush, or other moms who "owe you." You've never even heard of homework or studying for eight tests in one week.

{two.} Celebrate your birthday all month long. Be sure to have a birthday in January when everyone else in the whole, wide, world is motivated to 1) clean out every cabinet and drawer in their kitchen, 2) wipe down every square inch inside their refrigerator, 3) donate everything they own to Goodwill or 4) start back to boot camp three times a day. I, for one, still have outside Christmas decorations around my front door!  I'm slightly embarrassed.  I finally unplugged the timer so they would at least not light up at 4:30 from now on.  Note to Laura: Get up off your &#@*$ and take down the freakin' Christmas decor! Surf and shop your favorite online stores and boutiques so that a package is waiting on you every day when you arrive home from work. It will make you smile. Eat cake, chocolate, pasta, and chips and salsa like they're going out of style.  You're not the boot camp type anyway.

{three.} Have to be out of the house five days a week for ten hours a day and call it a job. Lunch breaks included. You have to leave the house by 7:15 to get your kid to school by 7:30 to make it to Walmart by 8:00 for #4!  Very important. Make sure it's tax season, month end, budget, and inventory time, too.  That means you have to starve for lunch or eat porkchops every day in the cafeteria.

Chicken Shamming ;-0 - Keeping Chickens At Home ->  http://www.chickenkeepingsecrets.com:
{four.} Go to Walmart before 8:00 in the morning with intentions of only buying a bottle of Kendall Jackson.  Walk out of store at 8:05 with bottle of Kendall Jackson. True story. And maybe a box of chocolate poptarts.

{five.} Adopt an "out-of-sight/our-of-mind" mentality. Have your husband take everything upstairs that you no longer want to look at or deal with.  Or throw things into your woman cave and shut the door!  Quick! Before something falls on you!

{six.} Have reading as a favorite hobby. Make sure all your favorite authors have new books coming out. Oh, and sweet talk your husband into a warm fire every night even if it is 70 degrees outside. But remember!  It's your birthday.  Not his.

{seven.} Don't buy groceries for two weeks or longer. But be sure to have frozen items in the freezer that you can heat or bake. For instance, frozen lasagna, or, one of our personal favorites, chicken poppers and french fries. That way, you can say, "I cooked!"  You turned the oven on, didn't you? There's no need for milk or bread.  But if  you run out of Diet Coke, you better be stopping by the convenient store on the way home from said job. And who needs to cook anyway since Sonic has 79 cent junior deluxe hamburgers and a drive-thru!?

And THAT, my friends, is how you become a SLACKER!

Linking up with Tuesday Talk.

12 comments:

  1. My favorite slacker indeed!!!!! thank you for my Monday morning smiles my fired!! You are brilliant and its your birthday week!!!!! Only time you gotta have is KJ drinking, pop tart, cake, chips and salsa eating, reading by a fire time, tell your boss I said that!! lol. Happy Monday sweets!!

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  2. I'm off for 6 days. Slacking is what I intend to do. Thanks for making this be okay....once in awhile!

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  3. I am with you on the grocery store, but I HAVE to go today! Funny :-)

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  4. Girl I been slacking (in several areas) for 4 years! no more!!! Happy Birthday Month!

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  5. #2 is my favorite! :)
    Hope you're having a good birthmonth! :)

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  6. You crack me up....wine at 8:05...classic.

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    1. Maybe I should clarify that I wasn't drinking at 8 o'clock in the morning, I was just buying for later. Ha!

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  7. Funny! and far too true in just about all cases for many of us!! The title on Tuesday Talk drew me over here and glad I did. I needed this for a good smile!

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  8. Just curious.. What kind of Kendall Jackson do you like??

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    1. Kendall Jackson Chardonnay. Thanks, Shara!

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