Monday, August 03, 2015

Doctor Visit As Told By Felicia

Well, I got Monstah to her appointment with Dr. D Friday morning. And on time, I might add.  Sista Felicia don't play. And Lawd KNOWS it ain't easy carryin' around all that weight! But like I said, I don't play. 'Specially when I gotta keep puttin' up with what I gotta keep puttin' up with!

First thing Monstah do when she gets in that there chair is whip out that crazy phone. She think e'rebody wanna see her normal foot beside me!  'Cause e'rebody knows I got stuck with the bad foot of a crazy woman!




We don't hafta wait long and the nurse called us back straight to x-ray. They only took two x-rays this time and Monstah say, "Umph! How's that twit gonna be able to see anything with just two x-rays?  They took a million of them last time!" To which I wanted to reply, "Well, baby, ya foot wasn't as BIG as it was last time so maybe that's why they don't need as many!"  But I kept my mouth shut. She didn't like it when I told her a few weeks ago she was gonna have cankles.  I learned my lesson on that one.

We get in a room and Monstah throws me to the curb up against the wall and hops her big butt up on that exam table.  Then she sees her foot up on the computer and hops down, whips out that stupid phone again, and takes another picture.  Like anybody wants to see her x-ray! 

This here her x-ray!


I try my best to 'splain this to y'all.  Y'all see her heel?  Not the bright white at the edge of her heel, but the next bright shadow just before it is the new bone growth.  That where her fracture be. Was. Whatevah.  So the twit was happy that Monstah was making progress.  So happy, he went and got her this insert to put in the bottom of me, so that her heel would feel more comfortable. Heaven forbid she not feel comfortable!  And now, I got a pet! Pet Ip! So, yea, now me and Ip got to carry round all this heavy weight!  Ip ain't much help.  He just lays there.

But wait!  That ain't all!

Twit tells Monstah she can start trying to walk without Tuity & Fruity!  I fell ovah on the floor when I heard dat. Literally, I fell ovah.  No more help from Tuity & Fruity?!  My world is coming to an end! I just THOUGHT I was carrying alotta weight! Twit told her to go slow, but in a few weeks, she wouldn't need them anymore and wait!  Just as he was walking out of the room, he said, "I'll see ya again in four weeks!"  Monstah and I be like, "Wait, wait! Four weeks?  What you talking 'bout?  We've been coming every three weeks, Doc!" And he said, "Let's give it an extra week and see what happens."

I won't tell you what Monstah said.  But I be like, "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaang!"  Or something like that.

So we see Twit again on August 28th.  Four weeks, y'all!  Me and Ip gotta lotta work to do! Monstah says she gonna be drinking lots of milk ovah the next few weeks so she can "spark that bone growth."  Yea, I got something she can spark!

I be linking up with these fine blogs this week!


And this new Link up over at Jenn's blog!

18 comments:

  1. It's getting old isn 't it? Well, you certainly are keeping a sense of humor! I'm going to miss these characters of yours. Now, drink that milk, eat those greens and don't over do it. Words of wisdom from "Grammie." I wish I could get the southern accent thing down .... dang.

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    1. Ha ha, Michelle! What can I say? I'm a Southern Diva! Yes, definitely drinking that milk, but the greens? Not so much.

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  2. Your so funny. It's great to see your keeping your sense of humor over this accident.

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  3. This is one of the cutest and funniest posts ever! Grow bones grow! Maybe they'll make Monstah the "got milk" poster lady!!!! Light at the end of the tunnel girl and loving those black and white pants!! Most stylish woman in a boot ever!!

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  4. Girl....I love that you did an update! I seriously think your Felicia posts are the funniest damn things! You may have missed your calling....it's not common for an accountant to be this hilarious!

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    1. Bwahahaha! Thanks , girl! I take that as a compliment! You know when accountants are in movies or TV shows they're always so boring or nerds! I sent you an email today btw!!

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  5. This is so funny! Love how you can bring some humor into this!
    www.amemoryofus.com

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    1. I've laughed and I've cried, Darcy! It's been a long two months, going on three!

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  6. Your attitude is fabulous!! Praying for quick healing and a great finish to your summer! Susan

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  7. Well, I agree, this was just hysterical and how on earth you can write like this is beyond me. I might could speak it but probably not write or spell it. Wishing you speedy healing my friend!

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  8. I love Felicia's posts!!! So glad to hear it is healing! As much as I will be sad to Felicia's posts go, I hope next time you get to give her "the boot!" Drink that milk!!

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  9. Oh My Goodness---ok, so I've been off the radar a bit and this is my first time back on your blog in way too long but Felicia didn't fail! Can't wait to get caught up on the rest!

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  10. Hope it all heals up beautifully!! xo - Brenda // Chatting Over Chocolate

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  11. Hoping you get healed up super fast!! Thanks for linking up with us!!!

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  12. HANG IN THERE LAURA! The boot stinks but it will be worth it in the end. Cheers to you (and patience).

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer, and for your encouragement!

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