Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The Post

So I've waited a week and I've decided to go ahead and publish the post that I wrote last week.  I'm still not comfortable with showing my "dark side" {too much Star Wars watching lately in the Horton Household!}, but more importantly, it's to share what God is doing in my life.  I apologize if the post seems jumbled, but these were my thoughts.  Here goes:

So our week kinda went downhill after my last post.

I got this text from Alise's teacher Tuesday morning: "I wanted to let you know that Alise made a 79 C on her math test.  She had a lot of careless errors. She was so upset and cried. We averaged her grades and she still has a 96 A.  She is okay now but wanted you to know."

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

A C on a math test??  She hasn't made even a B in math on a single.test.all.year!!

We don't even study for math because she does so well in it.

I just sat at my desk in sheer shock and disappointment.

I wanted to cry and came nearly close to it.

WHAT was she thinking on that test??

After a few seconds, it hit me.

My first big test for my word-of-the-year: PEACE.

Sigh.


I had two options: 1) I could huff and puff and rant and rave and get angry and sink into a depression of "disappointing expectations" {I read that phrase yesterday and it fits the majority of my unhappy moments to a tee}, or 2) I could put my new word to use. It's the battle of the flesh versus the spirit and a constant, never-ending struggle.  This is me.

I know.  It's just a test.  It's just a C.  It's not the end of the world.  But still...

"Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful {Colossians 3:15}."

I wanted to leave work and drive to school and hug my Baby Girl.  I knew she was upset because she felt like she had disappointed me.  She tries so hard to please me and make me happy and I take her love for granted so many times. But I knew that I couldn't go running up to the school every time she made a low grade or got upset.

I have to change.

When I picked her up from school later that afternoon, she looked at me and said, "Are you mad at me?"

"No, Alise.  I'm not mad, but I am disappointed.  Ms. R said you made careless errors and that's not like you.  What happened?"

Then the tears started. I knew she felt bad about her grade and she didn't need the "normal Laura" to make her feel worse. Alise said her friends asked her why she was upset and they kept telling her, "It will be okay, Alise.  It will be okay."

When we got home, I hugged her and told her that I knew she would do better next time.  I reminded her that she still had an A in the class {Be thankful, Laura} and how important it is to always do your best.  I praised her because her previous grades had been high enough to compensate.  Because of my attitude, we had a nice, peaceful evening.

But see, I also had a little help from my eight year old daughter that day.

Later that night, as I was folding clothes, Alise told me, "Mama, I prayed for you today.  I prayed you wouldn't be mad at me."

Then it was my turn to cry.  It was the first time my daughter ever told me that she had prayed for me.

I realize this post probably makes me sound like "Mommie Dearest," but as God as my witness, I do not verbally abuse my daughter.  I do, however - and to my family's detriment - let her grades dictate my moods quite frequently. Is it too much to ask that if we're paying $6 grand a year in tuition that my expectation is good grades?  Am I wrong for spending six days a week, two hours a week night studying so that she DOES make those grades?  I have a hard time understanding careless errors because I know Alise is capable and smarter than that.  I know she's not perfect and I realize I push too hard.  I'm not perfect, either,and like my Baby Girl, I'm trying to do better, too.

Alise brought her math paper home the next night and although I now realize that we need to spend some time on "borrowing," she really, really made some crazy mistakes!  She didn't even label the days of the week on a calendar correctly causing her to miss every question in an entire section!!  When Wayne and I were looking at her test, Alise turned her head and wouldn't even look at us.  We decided not to mention it again.  I signed her papers and now we're moving on with life as peacefully as we can.

1 comment:

  1. Well, I guess I right there with you if you're Mommy Dearest then I'm Joan Crawford's long lost twin sister. Our girls don't realize how intelligent they really are. Katie does awesome with her math and I'm over her shoulder at all times making sure that the problems are solved correctly. Then she'll have one of those days when her mind goes blank and she just can't think right. Little mistakes can either make or break ya. Katie is just as hard on herself as I am with her, but it makes her become hard working and determined. I think you there absolutely nothing wrong with "pushing" Alise to strive to be the best she can be. I explain this to Katie every time when we don't meet eye to eye. God gave me a huge responsibility to make sure she is the beacon of light and success He wants her to be. We are guiding our child to help themselves one day and not be fully dependent on other (gov't, etc.). You are awesome parents, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You keep "pushing" because I know Alise is going to be something extremely special one day. Love to all!

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