For instance, last night I dreamed I was at a rodeo - not like the Houston rodeo or anything, more like our local, rinky-dink rodeo - and I was singing with George Strait! We were singing "Coal Miner's Daughter" together. Only I had to lip sync the words, because I didn't know them. Oh, and I had a crown on top of my head, too. After we sang, I somehow turned into Miss Texas and it was SHE that got to kiss Georgie on the cheek! She wasn't none too happy either trying to get all that rodeo dirt out of her sling backs!
I met up with Miss Texas again in the bathroom of the rodeo arena. She shucked those hoity-toity clothes in the stall and came out to wash her hands and I couldn't get over the transformation to Miss Plain Jane. We became BFFs right there at the lavatory sink and she invited me to her home in Texas, which ended up being a double wide trailer filled with a passel of kids and a red neck husband sitting outside in a beat up lawn chair, drinking beer in front of a blow up kiddie pool.
I kid you not, I dreamed all this. But there's more.
Apparently, I got a little fed up with Miss Texas and when she told me she was friends with Big Mama, I was all about going to see Mama, who was really an OB/GYN in disguise.
Stay with me.
We got to Big Mama's home town - not San Antonio, mind you - and more chaos ensues. "P" is really an older version of Biff from Back To The Future and he drives a huge truck covered in dirt. We pick up "C" and all her wild and crazy friends -by this time, Wayne and Alise are in the picture - and we head to this redneck convenience store that serves knock off Chicfila chicken sandwiches in the back. We all look like a bunch of clowns getting out of P's truck at the store...we just keep getting out and it makes you wonder how we all fit in that truck!
After we finish our sandwiches, Melanie wants to show me C's school so Biff drives us all there and what do you know! It's open! On a Saturday, so we tour the school with kids everywhere. Then somehow, the school turns into Big Mama's house and she asks me to leave tampons in all the patient rooms, so I do. While I'm doing that, she's in the "kitchen" cooking this God-awful white chili looking mess and she asks Wayne to cook the rice. He screws it up, but we all still eat it because we don't want to hurt his feelings.
And then Wayne wakes me up and asks if I'm going to church.
Uh? Not today.