Thursday, June 11, 2009

Yes, Virginia, I Work With A Bunch of Idiots!

The proof is in the pudding ice!

I’ve mentioned before that I work at a hospital, but I don’t work in the hospital. There is a reason God made me squeamish at the sight of someone else’s blood and guts and so I am not involved with anything that pertains to patient care. My prison cell office is actually located on the second floor of a two-story building behind the hospital. The idiots work on the first floor. However, most of the day they can be found working smoking cigarettes in a lawyer’s parking lot across the street.

Everyone in my office knows not to bother me until I have “hid” - yes, that’s h-i-d - my purse for the day and my diet coke is resting ever so comfortably in its indentation on my desk beside my computer. As for the “purse hiding,” I get to spend thirty minutes every morning deciding on its new hiding place…over there? No, that was Monday’s hiding place. In here? No, that’s the first place the thieves will look. And then I get to spend the last thirty minutes of my day trying to find where I hid it! So the objective of the game is to hide my purse where I’ll be sure to find it on the first try so I can go home thirty minutes early. Wa-la!

You see, we have “thieves” in our building. And probably, oh, 100% of the time, things get stolen from the first floor. Things like monitors, laptops, money, someone’s cookies out of the refrigerator, a fellow employee’s insulin stash…things like that. Seems to me like the “thieves” know exactly what to steal.

This is all background information so you’ll understand the kind of people I’m dealing with on the first floor.

The ice machine for our building is located where? Yep! On the first floor. During my Sonic boycotting days, I use to visit the ice machine every morning. What can I say? I like to have ice with my diet coke. But since Sonic and I are back on speaking terms, it’s been a while since I’ve paid a visit to the ice machine. So imagine my surprise yesterday when I went down stairs to get ice for my left over Barq’s from lunch!!

I was like, “NO WAY! You have GOT to be kidding me!”

First of all, let me explain the “bowl.” Instead of putting in a work order to facility maintenance to get the ice machine fixed, first floor decided to put a huge plastic punch bowl under the dispenser to catch the extra ice that falls intermittently for no apparent reason. Yesterday, the punch bowl was nearly full. I guess they think someone is going to just use the ice that’s already in the bowl instead of dispensing new, fresh ice. Uh, excuse me! We work for a HOSPITAL! We are trained annually on blood borne pathogens and junk like that!!! Hello?!?! Anybody home?!?

And to start a sign with the word, “Listen”?!?! That alone ticked me off! Who in their right mind does that???

Not to mention the punctuation and misspelling of words! Who has seen “flies” spelled f-l-y-‘-s?!?

And blonde?! Why’d she hafta go and do that (And, yes, I know it’s a “she” because that’s the only gender that works on the first floor)?! That’s discrimination in my book!

A “hazard”?!? It’s called getting off your lazy derriere and walking to the janitor’s closet around the corner and getting the m-o-p! The only “hazard” I see is when we hired you because this is probably the exact reason why you would want to sue us!!

I can see the headlines now: “Hospital Employee Sues for Broken Ice Machine.”

That’s my life at work, people. But first floor is only the bottom rung to the “Idiot Ladder” that I have to work with! There are so many others that I have to use my ten key to count!



  1. LOL..tooo funny.
    thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday and for all your kind comments.

  2. That is so funny! You hiding your purse is hysterical. I wouldn't be able to remember where I put mine either. I think there must be a lot of "first floors" to jobs out there. Especially when you need good customer service and your on the phone.

  3. Wow! That is crazy! I can't believe you actually have to hide your purse every single day! I am thankful that I work with a great group of people...most of the time. However, some have been known to steal food from the fridge, but nothing from purses!

  4. Omg...I almost wet my pants I am laughing so hard. You can't make this stuff up, can you???


  5. FUNNY!!! :) Only in our state! :)

  6. People are amazing.

  7. Anonymous6:03 AM

    You should have disclosed the need for a big diaper before I read this post!!!!!!! BAHAHAHAHA! Loved it. And yes...they are idiots!!!!

  8. Oh my Laura! At least it keeps things interesting and rather amusing at work, eh?

  9. That is CRAZY! And you tell it so well.

  10. Anonymous12:04 PM

    Oh Laura! I was laughing SO hard at your Wordless Wednesday! Maybe you should leave a note of your own,lol!

  11. omg why why why do we live here? When things like that happen, I just wonder why. LOL