Monday, February 09, 2009

Guilt

Wayne stayed home with Alise today. I think it was more from guilt than anything else because he doesn’t normally take off to stay home with her unless it’s absolutely necessary. But he called his boss when we got home from the ER Saturday night to let him know what had happened. I went in to work extra early this morning and had to relive the nightmare so I could tell my boss why I would need to take off tomorrow. I also had to tell Lori because Alise wouldn’t be at dance tonight with her good friend Emma.

Wayne and I are handling our guilt in different ways. He is so much like a Daddy and just wants to make things better, right then and anyway he can. He went to Best Buy late last night and bought Alise new Wii games to play on their day “off.” He bought "Wii Fit" for me. Normally, I would have found his purchase of the "Wii Fit" a little insinuating and would have probably asked rather sarcastically if he thought I needed it so badly. But he was the one who ended up trying it out first and we had a good laugh between the two of us. Now I know why people are “Closet Wii-Fitters”!

I, on the other hand, handle my guilt by getting depressed and crying, not around Alise, of course. I’m having a hard time concentrating on anything and all of a sudden, Slim Fast even tastes good to me (it should after stuffing myself with pizza at 11:00 Saturday night). I can’t look at Alise’s sweet, scabby face without seeing the effects of a very poor decision. I keep replaying the whole thirty seconds in my head. I hate to tell anyone what happened because I know the first thing that goes through their mind is, “Why in the world did you have a three year old on a toy?” Gosh, if I just had those few seconds to live over. If only I had been using my “moma brain” instead of not using my brain at all.

We are so protective of her now. When she rode her bike for a few minutes yesterday, we hovered. I insist that she wear socks with "grippers" on the bottom so that she won't fall down on the hard wood floors. Absolutely no running. No practicing of cart wheels or rolls. No funny business on the couch or bed. No wrestling with Daddy.

I went home at lunch and took Wayne and Baby Girl something to eat. Can you believe she requested "onion rings"?! Of all things! It was the first time I had seen her all day because she was still in the bed when I left for work this morning. The left side of her face is still swollen and she is getting a black eye. It's purple right now. The middle part of her lip is still swollen, but not as much as it was. Wayne said he's had a hard time getting her to keep her hands off her face, but other than that, she's acted fine. Same ol' Alise.

I asked her if she wanted to go back to school tomorrow and she said, "Yes, ma'am! Can I wear a jumper tomorrow?" I was shocked and I'm still not sure as of right now if I will let her go back. I'm not sure how well her teachers will keep the ointment on her wounds and she doesn't need to get her face dirty. But I also don't want to burn a day of PTO if she's feeling fine and wants to see her friends again.

I apologize for not keeping up and commenting on everyone's blogs. I really am behind. I just haven't felt much like blogging lately, but I will try to catch up soon. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.
Laura.Sign

16 comments:

  1. Anonymous3:30 PM

    Laura--

    Sending hugs to you! BIG HUGS!! We like when you post so that we can encourage and support you. What a difficult two days! Will keep you all in my prayers.

    Shannon

    ReplyDelete
  2. sorry--didn't mean to do that anonymously! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't beat yourself up to bad. My two both had broken bones and stitches by the time they were five as well as Jacob getting a tooth knocked out a severe case of road rash from a little mishap with a scooter. Accidents happen. And Calob had stitches in his face the scar cream works wonders you can't even see his anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  4. !!Hugs!!

    I think it's normal when you feel like this in these situations -- it just shows how much you love Alise! Our 3 year old nephew goes on the 4-wheeler once in a while, but mostly sticks to his own (powerwheel!).

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't know why I didn't see your previous post earlier, I had no idea your little girl had gotten hurt. I am so sorry for you guys, accidents happen and kids are sooo resilient! Will keep you in our prayers~

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't feel guilty! Mommies & Daddies are human too! And accidents happen. That ER doc shouldn't have said that. Sounds like you feel a lot worse than Alise feels.

    ReplyDelete
  7. We just wanted to send our love out to you. I wished we could do something for you.

    Love y'all!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Girl..... I am SO sorry! You have been through so much the last 24 hours! I feel your pain and I feel even more terrible for your precious baby! :( Praying for you all and for an even more speedy recovery! May God's healing hand touch sweet Alise right now in Jesus name! Prayer hard.... try and get some rest and let your mind rest too!

    ReplyDelete
  9. call me if i can do anything!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh honey, please don't beat yourself up. PTL that she is okay and remember that accidents are just that.

    Much love and hippo hugs to all of you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sending you big hugs Laura!! We are loving our Wii Fit too, isn't the Hula Hoop game hilarious?!? Glad Alise is doing so well with her recovery :-)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Tell Alise that Jonah has been asking about her! He was so worried.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hang in there Laura!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Laura --

    It is normal for us as parents to take on the the guilt of an accident. We always say "if only". I am sure that anyone who knows you knows how terrible you feel. As parents we need to lift each other up. She could have fallen off her bike and done the same thing. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think the guilt comes more after you've had time to digest everything that happened. You can sit there and just keep thinking about it over and over...BUT DON'T do that!!!!! You are not to blame and you are a fabulous Mom!!!!!

    Hugs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh Laura! I'm so very sorry that your baby girl is hurt. That Mommy guilt, well, it stinks. Have a 5 minute pity party and pick yourself up. I try to remind myself that it could be worse....I don't know if you read my blog, but back last May, MM busted her head open. It was a huge gash and I was worried sick about the scarring. I was told by a plastic surgeon (please don't judge me for that...I mean it's my baby and I didn't want her to have an enormous scar on her face forever) to keep it out of the sunlight, covered in high SPF sunscreen at ALL times, and douse it with vitamin E 3-4 times per day. He said to keep it moist especially in the beginning. Of course, we had to wait to get the "super-glue" off and make sure the wound had healed. All summer long, I kept it covered and even all winter I kept sunscreen on it. We keep vitamin E in a little tube in several spots around the house and I am constantly making sure that it is moist. Yes, I am OCD. Yes, I am crazy. I admit it. She still has some scarring but for the most part it looks pretty good. I am so sorry that sweet little Alise got hurt. Honey we all question our parenting. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a fabulous mother!!!!! Sending you hugs;)

    ReplyDelete