Thursday, December 18, 2008

Paper Gowns

You know what I'm talking about.

Why? I just wanna know why!

Isn't it bad enough that there are stirrups involved and we have to ENDURE?! And the friend that told me that once I had a baby that it wouldn't be that big of a deal is no longer my friend. Friends don't lie.

It's days like these when I ask God why he made me a woman.

Picture this: a doctor's office that looks like a day spa in sunny Palm Springs. When you walk through the door into the bright, cheerful room, no one is staring at you through eyes that say, "Get ready for a long wait, Sista!" The Christmas tree - if your appointment is in December, of course - is not scantly decorated with a 1983 Teddy Bear under it. The front receptionist is nice and polite and doesn't demand that you find your insurance card immediately because she doesn't care that you changed purses this morning. Within fifteen minutes, you are called back to speak to a nice, professional looking nurse. When she weighs you, both she and you jump for joy over loosing fifty pounds from your last visit (last year, because, of course, you are the ideal patient in this little ideal dream of mine). You don't even have to pee in a cup! And blood work? What's that? The nurse leads you to a patient room - with a TV that works - and there....draped over a nice vanity area with a mirror (because you simply must look your best for this little hum-hum), is a NICE, CLEAN, WHITE, TERRY CLOTH ROBE!!!!! With slippers to match!!

Is this too much to ask?!

And pa-leese!! Whatever you do, don't replace a tile in the ceiling with a fake picture of the sky and just the hint of a palm tree. Because when I look at that, the clouds aren't moving!!



  1. hate it...hate it...hate it! Only thing worse than the paper gown is when your doctor's office only gives you the paper shirt and the paper blanket! Try being modest wearing those!

  2. Oh my gosh!!! You are just hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it after having it out this morning with a Target cashier over a dang $1 off coupon! :0

  3. You're hilarious Laura! I agree, I hate my annual!!!!

  4. You are soooo funny!!!!

  5. It never, ever gets better. I hate to tell you, but at 63 (almost 64) it's still the same. The only thing I'm liking about it now, is my doc's new PA. She is really pretty cool.

    Thanks for the laugh.

    ~hippo hugs~

  6. Just the thought makes me cringe! And guess what they ordered for our new office downtown?? Paper gowns!!

  7. And why is it that you have to put on the paper robe only to sit and wait AGAIN for another 30 minutes for the doc to come in? And must it be -30 degrees in there? Hello! Paper Gown! No fleece lining! Although, if it makes you feel any better I had a friend that lived in Louisville that went to the clinic there once and the stirrups were covered with Crown Royal bags. Seriously. True story.