Saturday, June 24, 2006

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I talked to my friend Carrie from Tulsa yesterday. We haven't talked in almost a month. We were "catching up" and she told me that I've got to slow down and start enjoying this time with Alise because she won't be a baby much longer. She told me something that I've known for a while: I've got to stop "rushing" Alise in to "growing up" and just let her be. I spend so much time planning and dreaming about all the things I want her to do one day, that I feel guilty for missing out on all the things she's doing now. It's so hard to make myself actually sit down and just play with her. I feel like there are so many other things to do around the clean up, fold clothes, cook supper. I want her to think that I am a fun mom. But it's certainly not like I don't ever spend time with her. We spend alot of time reading books and tickling each other on the couch. It's just sometimes, my mind is on other things while I'm spending time with my daughter and for that I feel guilty.

Wayne and I had a date tonight. We got a babysitter and went out to dinner and to the new Adam Sandler movie, "Click." It was a good movie (not for kids), but the overall message really hit home. It was about a dad that spent so much time away from his kids because he was always busy working. I don't want to be that way. I want Alise to always come first.

Someone once said that a Mother's life is 95% guilt. Right now, mine is more like 99.9%!! One of the best things my mother ever did for me was write in my first Mother's Day card that I was a "great mother." I try to keep reminding myself of that.

P.S. By the way, I didn't have a problem leaving Alise with a fourteen year old tonight. A friend of mine always use to say that she liked her baby sitters to be older because she "remembered how I was at 14." Well, I started babysitting when I was 14 and I turned out okay. I think Emily was good for Alise tonight. I think she had a good time.

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